Frozen Cold

my fingers and hands have frozen cold. they refuse to move... refuse to work the way they used to. my hands are slowly turning useless. the only thing that i dread is that they are goin dead. i am my hands. my hands are all i can call my own. they are the only thing i can control. who am i ? what am i doin in my life. this rut has gone on far too long. i am out of touch with this world... i donno what is the latest music... what is the latest that is in the world of fashion ... not that i was bothered before... but atleast i knew what was in... i never like to follow... i hate being tutored by ignorance... my ideas are drying up... creativity has gone for a toss.... my vocabulary has not improved an ounce in the last 2 years... creative writing is my passion... if i werent in business... i would have been an author or a reporter or something that involves the literary intellect... to create is to live... to create something new everyday is what i crave... i loved science because it gave me the possibility to create something new... to make something... i love writing cause i love to create a new experience... i love travellin because i hate being stagnent... one has to be self made... make a mark for himself in this world of billions of faces pushing aimlessly everyday only to make a living... but what is a living... just goin to work everyday... life is outside work... atleast for me... when i was a kid i dreamt of being a scientist... i never really wondered why i must do that... it was just a feeling i had... it was the promise of creation ... to lead... of being able to do what you love... i crave a real guru... who has the gyan ... not the information... please help me thaw..... please!!!